Space?

I'm starting to recognize that there's not much space for me here.  Or rather, there's no space to call my room to make art or record music or meditate or be alone.  So I go on power walks.  I try to clean a little but am rather overwhelmed by other people's stuff.  I'm even overwhelmed by own stuff.  Days when I don't know what to do and get overwhelmed I've stopped and asked God to specifically direct my next task and those are some of the best days I've had so I'm going to do that today because today seems to be one of those days. 

Reason Enough

Such a beautiful song.  I love how nursery rhymes are used to paint a picture of the human condition as well as offer a solution.  One of my favorites.  

Andreas Vollenweider and Eliza Gilkyson - Reason Enough (All the King's Men)

All the king's men stand still in a thunder storm
Diamonds of rain on the skin of the battle worn
Eyes touching eyes in the sight of their long range guns

The bough that breaks the cradle falls
Could this be reason enough
The beast that down to Eden crawls
Reason enough

Starting into the depths of the darkest dream
Hurling your stones in the eye of the war machine
Howling like wolves to the moon for the sons of our daughters

The bough that breaks the cradle falls
Could this be reason enough
The beast that down to Eden crawls
Reason enough

Little drops of the water
Little grains of sand
Make the mighty ocean
And the pleasant land

The bough that breaks the cradle falls
Could this be reason enough
The beast that down to Eden crawls
This could be reason enough

Hush little baby, dry your eyes
Claro que si, reason enough
Stars will fall for love to rise
Reason enough

Ladybug, ladybug fly away
Your house is on fire your children are gone

All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again

She went to the cupboard
The cupboard was bare

Eight little indians never heard of heaven
One went to sleep and then there were seven

Ashes, ashes we all fall down

Hark, hark the dogs do bark
Beggars are coming to town

And if the great man cut down the great tree
What a splish-splash that would be

Getting better!

I finally have a little over six months clean now.  I'll have seven on the 20th.  Praise God.  Recovery is possible.  I tried for two and half years to get clean and this is the most clean time I've had since I was 19. 

New Ani diFranco album

http://www.righteousbabe.com/ani/whichsideareyouon/songs.asp

Sounds better than some of those albums she's come out with and thus continues my love/hate relationship with Ani diFranco's published music until one day I understand everything.  :-) 

He who loves his life shall lose it...

Things are getting better the more that I deny self and try to focus on God and others.  I'm still not very good at it, though.   

"An Unclean Spirit Returns"

(Disclaimer:  During an episode of struggling with drug addiction.)

When an unclean spirit goes out of a man, he goes through dry places, seeking rest, and finds none.  Then he says, 'I will return to my house from which I came.'  And when he comes, he finds it empty, swept, and put in order.  Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter and dwell there; and the last state of that man is worse than the first.  So shall it be with this wicked generation."  Matthew 12:43

This is what's happening to you; that is why you're dealing with pot all right because the devil or forces of darkness are trying harder to keep you away from God and to keep you from becoming who God intended you to be.  Remember what these things have done to you.  Remember how they have sabotaged your intelligence and your ability to enjoy life.  Remember how God took you from the brink of hell and is building you back up again.  Go to the next meeting that you can possibly go to and try to go to church tomorrow if you can.

Animal

I think the more that a person resists his/her primal urges when they are inappropriate, the more God-like a person becomes in that the person becomes less selfish.  I think the more a person gives in to those urges, the more animal-like he/she becomes, scrambling for what he/she can get to satisfy his/her cravings and urges. 

I recently realized that during the second half (the downer half) of my drug usage career, I was learning something about people that I was not aware that I was learning.  I was learning that when left unchecked, unchecked either by their own conscience or by religious codes of conduct, people become like animals in that they mainly do whatever appeals to their primal urges at the time such as taking something that they want, fighting, or having sex.  Like I knew a girl who stole some of her friend's money then later said about it, "I couldn't help it; I was on Xanax!"  Or when someone says, "I didn't mean to [insert morally reprehensible act here]....I was drunk.  "I'm not saying that everyone does this, but I think it happens a lot.  ESPECIALLY when someone "blacks out".  I think when a person blacks out he/she goes into "animal mode" where his/her God-consciousness is totally shut off.  I conjecture that this is also why a person doesn't remember his/her actions during a "black out", because their human/God consciousness is not present to store the memory.